Saturday, September 15, 2007

Malaysia, a Unique Country

This good English essay was submitted by boey. You can submit your essay and get it published on this blog too!

Malaysia is a multiracial country. Malaysia has a population of 23.27 million consisting of 61 percent Malays, 30 percent Chinese, 8 percent Indians and 1 percent of other ethnic groups. Malaysia is unique because of its diversity of races, religions and cultures, the stability of the country and many places of interests. Besides, there are many international achievements which are the pride of our nation.

Diversity of races, religions and cultures is a significant characteristic of our nation. Malaysia is a multiracial country with a rich cultural heritage. Unique to Malaysia is the 'Open House' concept where during the various cultural and religious festival like Hari Raya, Chinese New Year, Deepavali, Gawai Day and others, friends and families and even strangers would visit the homes of those who are celebrating the festival, to wish them well and enjoy the feast prepared by the hosts. Although the visitors may be from different races, they still can tolerate with each other and live under the same roof where they celebrate the festival together. This will help to strengthen the ties among themselves.

Moreover, the stability and peacefulness of Malaysia is also a uniqueness of us. We live harmoniously in a country where there are no wars and conflicts among Malaysians. War is dreadful and it may deteriorate humans' lives. We are fortunate that our country is safe and runs off the war. So, people can live safely here. Somehow, Malaysia is a paradise for those Iraqis or Pakistanis. Besides, our country is freed from natural disasters such as earthquakes. Earthquakes may bring death and destroy many buildings. Therefore, Malaysia is unique because of the stability and peaceful environment.

On top of that, there are many places of interests in country such as beaches, islands and rain forest. Malaysia's rain forest is considered as the oldest in the world. The diverse species of animals and plant life continue to excite a great deal of scientific research. Many believe that some undiscovered plant may hold cures to many currently incurable human diseases. There are many islands in our country such as Pulau Langkawi, Pulau Redang, Pulau Ketam and many others. Pulau Langkawi has a lot of historitical informations. Those who are in favour of history can go there to explore the history of that place. All the beaches in those islands are beautiful. The sand is soft and white. The accommodation is well-established and that makes those islands ideal places to visit.

Following this, there are also international achievements of our country. Those achievements include the existence of Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA), Formula One (F1) racing circuit and the Petronas Twin Towers. KLIA is unique because it has all that is needed for business, entertainment and relaxation within its boundaries. The airport is part and parcel of the Multimedia Super Corridor where high technology industries are being actively developed. Nevertheless, there is a Formula One Race Track near the airport, so foreign car racing enthusiasts from all over the world can come for a visit to gather here. Besides that, Petronas Twin Towers which is a building that soars 452 metres into the sky is once upon a time, the tallest building in the world and yet it is a national pride to the people of Malaysia.

In short, Malaysia is unique that it has diversity of races, religions and cultures, a stable and peaceful environment, places of interest and some internal achievements. Those are important characteristic of our nation. It is rich of cultural heritage; it would be worth to play a visit here.

Corrections made in the essay above:
Do not put an extra hyphen - multiracial is correct, multi-racial and multi racial are wrong
Use noun instead of adjective - diversity of races, religious and cultures is wrong; it should be diversity of races, religions and cultures; a unique of us is wrong, a uniqueness of us is correct
This sentence is wrong because there should be two phrases in the sentence where you use the conjunction although - Although the visitors may be from different races. However… It should be ‘Although the visitors may be from different races, they…
Articlean unique is wrong, a unique is correct
Subject-verb agreement - the stability and peacefulness of Malaysia is should be the stability and peacefulness of Malaysia are – Wrong: there is no wars and conflicts. Correct: there are no wars and conflicts
Use adverb instead of noun – we live in a harmony country should be we live harmoniously in a country or we live in harmony.
Singular or plural - humans' life is wrong, humans’ lives is correct, human beings is more appropriate
No plural form – Wrong: historitical informations. Correct: historical information
Avoid using informal word - has lots of is informal, has a lot of is formal

Essay Rating: 3.5
Good points and examples are discussed in the essay. However, there are some gross and minor grammatical and spelling errors. Gross errors include subject-verb agreement errors and wrong use of nouns and adjectives. All in all, there is still room for improvement. Keep up your writing effort!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

can somebody tell me on how to submit my essay??

Eddie Law said...

I think your blog is very useful, espacially to me as I am from Chinese education background, not very careful and sensitive when come to writing in English. I have added you to my blogroll under "Useful Links"

Anonymous said...

is this essay already corrected? from your comments, i think it is, but there are still a lot of mistakes uncorrected!

km17 said...

excellent essay !!!

Anonymous said...

i would like to print and use this essay for my oral . hope ur permission . thank you :)

Anonymous said...

Great essay :) keep writing

Anonymous said...

good essay which help me complete my composition writing homework.